Why Sibling Rivalry Happens – And How to Help Your Children Get Along
As you prepare to welcome your second child, you might find yourself wondering how your firstborn will cope. Will they feel replaced? Will jealousy set in? And what if they don’t get along at all?
These are all valid concerns — and you’re far from alone in feeling this way. Sibling rivalry is one of the most common challenges for families with more than one child. But understanding why it happens and how to manage it can help create a more peaceful home and stronger sibling bonds in the long run.
What Is Sibling Rivalry?
Sibling rivalry is the competition, jealousy, and conflict that can occur between brothers and sisters. It can look like bickering over toys, tattling, arguing over who gets more attention, or even full-blown tantrums when things don’t go their way.
It’s more common in siblings who are close in age, but rivalry can occur regardless of age gap, gender, or personality. Even adopted or blended families may experience similar dynamics.
But here’s the important part: rivalry doesn’t mean your children won’t love each other. In fact, it’s often a sign that they’re figuring out their roles in the family, learning to share space, and navigating emotions like jealousy, insecurity, or the desire for connection.
Why Sibling Rivalry Happens
Sibling rivalry is rarely just about a single toy or who got the bigger slice of cake. Most often, it’s rooted in deeper emotional needs and shifting family dynamics.
1. Changing Roles
Your first child has had your full attention for their entire life. When a new baby arrives, it naturally shifts the balance. Even if you’re doing your best to treat both children fairly, your older child may still feel like they’ve lost some of your love or importance — and that feeling can lead to acting out or conflict.
2. Competition for Attention
Children, especially younger ones, are wired to seek validation and affection from their parents. If one child feels like the other is getting more attention, they may try to “win” it back by any means — sometimes through misbehavior or picking fights.
3. Different Needs and Personalities
Each child has their own temperament, emotional needs, and ways of expressing themselves. A toddler who thrives on routine may struggle with a newborn who demands flexibility. These differences can lead to clashes.
Does Sibling Rivalry Always Happen?
Not always — but it’s very common. Some siblings form strong, affectionate bonds from the beginning. Others take longer to adjust to sharing their parents, toys, or space.
The good news is, rivalry doesn’t have to be long-lasting or damaging. In fact, when handled well, it can help children build important life skills: managing emotions, solving conflicts, and learning empathy.
How to Reduce Sibling Rivalry and Build Harmony
While you can’t eliminate sibling rivalry entirely, you can create a home environment that encourages cooperation and respect — and reduces the intensity of conflict.
Here are some proven strategies to try:
1. Stay Calm and Set the Tone
When conflict happens, your response matters. Try to remain calm and in control — your children will learn how to manage their own emotions by watching how you manage yours.
2. Create a Cooperative Family Culture
Avoid comparing your children or labelling them (e.g., “She’s the smart one” or “He’s the wild one”). Instead, praise their individual strengths and encourage teamwork. Set up games and routines that require them to work together toward a shared goal.
3. Celebrate Their Differences
Help each child feel valued for who they are. Spend one-on-one time with each child doing activities they enjoy. This builds connection and reduces their need to compete for your attention.
4. Set Clear Boundaries and House Rules
Establish family rules around respect, sharing, and how to handle conflict. Keep these rules visible (on the fridge, for example) and refer to them during tense moments to keep things consistent and fair.
5. Treat Children Fairly — Not Equally
Fair doesn’t always mean giving each child the exact same thing. It means meeting their individual needs. One child may need more cuddles; another may need quiet time. When children feel understood and supported, they’re less likely to resent their sibling.
6. Help Them Understand Their Feelings
Encourage your children to name their emotions and talk about what’s bothering them. “You’re feeling left out because the baby needed Mum a lot today — that makes sense.” When children feel heard, their frustration often softens.
7. Teach Problem-Solving Skills
Guide your children through finding their own solutions when conflicts arise. Help them practice taking turns, negotiating, or finding a win-win solution. These moments are powerful teaching opportunities.
8. Model Respectful Relationships
Your children learn how to handle conflict by watching you. Apologise when you make mistakes, speak kindly to your partner, and handle disagreements respectfully. These habits shape how your children will treat each other.
9. Protect Their Self-Esteem
Avoid disciplining one child in front of the other, and don’t assign blame without hearing both sides. This reduces shame and resentment. Private conversations help children learn from mistakes without damaging their sibling relationship.
10. Make Time for Fun
Regular family time helps build a sense of connection and shared joy. Whether it’s board games, outdoor adventures or bedtime stories, creating positive memories helps balance out the inevitable conflicts.
Will They Ever Get Along?
Yes — and often better than you expect.
As your children grow and develop, their relationship will shift. With time, they’ll learn to share, collaborate, and look out for each other. Your job isn’t to prevent every argument, but to guide them through it with empathy, patience, and structure.
In the long run, the love between siblings can become one of the most important relationships in their lives — a bond built not in spite of the squabbles, but because of the learning and growth that came through them.
Final Thought
Adding a second child to your family is a beautiful, exciting time — and it also comes with emotional adjustments for everyone. Sibling rivalry is a normal part of that journey, but it doesn’t define your family. With understanding and intention, you can foster a home where your children don’t just tolerate each other — they thrive together.
At My First Nursery, we know that a peaceful home makes all the difference for young families. Whether you're setting up your second baby’s nursery or looking for tools to help your toddlers transition, we’re here to support you every step of the way.